Why don’t people want the American Dream anymore - marriage, kids, a dog, and the white picket fence?

A woman: That house and fence with the kids meant you were a stay-at-home mom who couldn’t do anything else but be a housekeeper and mom doing most of the scut work even if you had a degree in nuclear physics and worked on the Manhattan Project. Once you got married you gave up that job, and once you had kids, it was game over for any plan you may have had that didn’t involve being subservient to those husbands and kids. Better hope hubby didn’t blow up the plan by taking up with the secretary at work because you were on your way to taking in laundry and working as a maid while raising your kids in a fourth floor walkup apartment in a sketchy part of town while hubby made another American Dream with that secretary. Or worse, you having to leave because hubby is beating you up. If you think opting out of the workforce is damaging today, you should have been around during the ’40 and ’50s trying to find a decent job. At best, if you didn’t find cleaning toilets, picking up after everyone, dealing with Fido’s mess because nobody else would, making sure hubby was properly liquored up with his slippers and newspaper at the ready when he got home, and being a short order cook/gourmet cook that hubby could boast about for decades appealing, you were one miserable, bored puppy. And that was the best situation—if you were a domestic abuse victim, your life and/or your kid’s lives were at risk and you couldn’t get out unless you were willing to risk homelessness. Lots of women took up drinking and drugs to help deal with that frustration, and in the ‘60s, were the audience for books like The Feminine Mystique which launched the women’s rights movement.

Poor: If you were poor of any race, you weren’t getting that house, which basically telegraphed to society that you were a miserable failure (especially if you were the man of the house) or simply not living your best life in the best country in the world. Men did not want to be you and women did not want to be with you.

Frankly that dream didn’t work for everyone back then and as society evolved past the traditional family model as the only option for people, people learned there were other things that were more important—like loving who you want, staying single if you want to, pursuing a life path you wanted to live, deciding to not have children, or living in a small apartment in an area you want to live in because you don’t want to clean a house or spend the money for one, or be forced to move to some godforsaken part of the country because you can’t afford a home where you want to live.

How mentally ill are Republicans who think Trump is mentally sane? He literally said immigrants eat pets.

The dream usually was portrayed like this:

Bottom line, a lot of people started to think that the dream wasn’t a dream. In many cases, it was a nightmare. It came with a lot of stuff many people didn’t want to put up with or couldn’t get, like having enough income and being the right race to get that house in the area they wanted to live, having to be married and having kids, being willing in the case of the woman to live a life of servitude and financial dependence on the husband for decades, and giving up her own dreams in the process. And over time as nonwhites, gays, women who wanted a career, and other folks who don’t want to be married or parents started to become more accepted in society, people began to realize that living your best life was the American dream, and that may or may not include home ownership, marrying, having children, and the picket fence.

Nonwhite: Not only could you find getting a job that would allow you to get a house challenging, finding someone who would sell you a house in a desirable neighborhood was also an issue. Those that did find housing in a decent neighborhood/suburb with a yard for the kiddos and the dog faced discrimination and in many cases harassment amongst their neighbors. Everyone else lived in not-so-great neighborhoods or they simply rented.

Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support. I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized. he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that. he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened. he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence. i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction. after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly. things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it. we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe … our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far? this has upset me so much its hard to even function.

Or the dog. Maybe a cat? They’re cleaner and quieter.

Other: If you didn’t want to get married or have kids because you wanted to prioritize a life that didn’t involve being married, raising kids, and smelling Fido, grow a career or vocation, or because you simply want to be able to come home and know the food you left in the fridge the night before would still be there, you could put your feet up on your own couch and watch whatever you want to on the TV, and not have to deal with anyone, then the dream was unattainable, or it was too steep a price to pay—you’d be forced to live a life you didn't want.

Looks well, normal and right, huh? What’s not to like?

Will my parents go to hell if I don't wear hijab, they tried to convince me and they provided it to me but I don't want to wear it?

White middle class heterosexual couple with a kid or two, a pet (somewhere, usually a dog because... cats?), and yes, the house and picket fence. Usually circa 1940s–1950s.

Because that dream for many people was either a trap, required too much sacrifice, or flat out unattainable.

Well, what if you were:

Why do you allow your cat to lie in bed with you?

Gay: Yeah right. You couldn’t live openly with someone of the same sex unless you were actual sisters, or maybe your mother or other older relative. You either hid that person or you simply didn’t have a partner. And no kids for you. If you were a man, you could buy a house if you had a good salary (and you better be able to hide the fact you don’t like the ladies if you want to keep any kind of a professional job). If you were a woman, you rented some apartment or a room somewhere because women couldn’t buy a house by themselves even if they did have money. And being a single woman meant you were a weirdo if you weren’t suspected of being gay. And having a partner? Probably not unless you lived in a particularly progressive place or knew how to hide your relationship. And for sure, no children unless you or your partner already had them. Even for straight women, single women couldn’t adopt.